the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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