I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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