if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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