i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
