the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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