what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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