I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
