just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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