he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
