so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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