getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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