i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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