My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
