forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
