Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
