Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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