Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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