she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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