i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
