someone get that fucking seahorse.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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