thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
