Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
