Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
