i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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