In the future we'll all be gay
my sisters under your porch take her home
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
