so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
