i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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