Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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