It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
