i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
