My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Enjoy the penises
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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