Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
