Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
