Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
