Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish i was in the wii world.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
