i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
