Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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