I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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