I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
