Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
