Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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