I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
