Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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