I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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