fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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