I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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