Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
