you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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