i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
