No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
