i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
