no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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