My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
