sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
