Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
