I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
did i just pee glitter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
