Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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