I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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