You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You need a sexual gate keeper
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
