tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
