I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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