I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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