We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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