My friends, they love my intelligence
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
