im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
