i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
