I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize